Saturday, February 25, 2012

No. Wrong. Stupid. Fuck, I'm Old

Once upon a time I was a handsome, headstrong woman.  Maybe I still am, but I can't help but to feel that I'm more than a little bit curmudgeon now that I am on the darker side of my thirties.  For sure, I had a lot more patience and tolerance five years ago.

Eight months into my retirement from professional domination and I still go to MaxFisch almost everyday.  A 10 year habit of posting at least once a day doesn't go away over night.  MF promotion was a NYC domme's bread and butter.  I was, so, just damn good at it.  Then I had the double edged sword realization that MF had no barring in my *actual* life anymore.  Sure I hoped someone would buy a video here and there, help a girl out, but really, nothing mattered.  I could say anything I wanted.  Holy crap. I didn't have to play nice anymore.


Thursday, February 23, 2012

Easy Does it

 I've been out of the scene for a bit, working on vanilla writings and other such things that were woefully neglected so I could focus on BDSM things, shooting videos, setting up sessions, traveling, appearing at conferences, consulting, teaching, organizing photos, building websites ect.  When I stop and think about it, this job, which was supposed to be a great way to pay tuition 15 years ago, consumed my life.  It went from "part-time" to 60, 70, 80 hours a week of my time.
It was only a matter of time before I burnt out.  Burn out? That sounds so innocuous. Spontaneously combusted?

I still have a ridiculous amount of videos sitting on my computer, doing nothing and even more photos.  I always tried to keep my photos fresh every year.  Of course, that means I have an enormous backlog of pics that you might enjoy even though they might be of me at 24--an age that I haven't been in quite some time.  I also have all these observations I make and no where to put them.  So that's the cost of seeing my pictures, you have to go through my ramblings.

Cheers!